It’s funny.
After I spend time with female friends, I am repulsed by the thought of relationships. It seems something is telling me not to get into one. Instead, just to stay as a headstrong single man, who doesn’t see the value of an intimate relationship.
That being said I’m still a guy, so the feelings don’t stop. The challenge this line of thought puts me in is dealing with romantic feelings whilst remaining aromantic (look it up if you need to).
The things that brains do to you.
Some of the streetlights have burnt out on my street. This is a good thing.
I love it when the moonlight gently illuminates the street, and the wonderful dark shades able to be seen when one’s eyes adjust.
It’s the perfect time to romance someone, or to spend those few precious seconds with that person who lights up your life.
*cut to reality*
Keep dreaming son.
In a modern contemporary society, if one is wearing head/earphones it is implied that they do not want to be disturbed.
If I have headphones on, you better have a bloody good reason to interrupt me. Side note: friends excepted.
Yes, I was interrupted again today. Like last time. And again in Mandarin. Which shouldn’t be spoken in the first instance to a stranger in a public place, like a university.
And yet, it is Asians who tend to interrupt other Asians first. Shame.
Continuing on from the ‘trust’ thing I wrote about previously…
I’ve just had another thought. Maybe it’s the way I write or talk to others. I’ve got to ‘loosen up’, I sound so formal all the time.
I feel I am losing trust amongst my friends.
It’s not clear as to why I think this is happening. However, maybe the reason why I am more aware of it now is that a significant part of the political media cycle is the discussion of popularity polls. Maybe?
It gets into the subconscious that one must remain popular to be liked.
And then the doubts and questions start. What is everyone thinking of me?
And what can I do to win a few points?
Last Thursday was the birthday of a good friend of mine. We and another friend of ours went for drinks at a hotel bar in the city.
The time in the bar was absolute bliss. Just being able to let go of EVERYTHING, and to enjoy the company of others is something I value so much.
Sure, you can call me socially undeveloped. I am not afraid to make it known loud and clear that social drinks is something I don’t do (at all), and also of the fact that I don’t drink. It makes me stick out like a sore thumb, but I don’t give a shit.
I hate how there is a stigma on people who don’t drink (for whatever reason). We teetotalers are entitled to have a good time as much as the next person. Shame on those who speak ill of non-drinkers.
I’m lucky to have friends who don’t mind having non-drinkers around them, and who can tolerate my almost seemingly infinite reminders about not drinking.
[deity] save my soul. A FOB is taking the tutorial for one of my units.
I’ve hit a low point in my life this month. First was the disappointing uni results. Then my application for international exchange is rejected. Then there are unsuccessful job applications, and lastly, I fail to see where my life is going.
Now, there’s no motivation to do anything. I feel like crawling into a ball and hiding from the world.
I’d like to say that I’ve fallen into a depressive state. But I don’t think I can say that. How can I be depressed when every other day, I don’t show signs of it? Maybe saying that I have depression is an easy way out; a way of saying, “Please help me!”
To be continued…
Waiting for Uni results every half year is always fraught with anticipation and anxiety. I’ve been fortunate to have reasonable results for the last three years. Some haven’t been as good, but I’ve been able to get by.
But this semester is different. I’ve never been more scared in my entire life. I’m scared that I will fail a unit.
It’s easy to say afterwards, “This will be the last fail I get!”. But as you all know, words are cheap. It’s putting the plan into action that is harder.
I’ve failed exams before, and each time, I have been able to pick myself back up and do better next time. But this time I’m not so sure. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself if I fail.
*tumbleweed*